New Cycle

You know when someone asks you how you are.... And without thinking you say 'Good'? Well this week... I'm not so good. I'm tired... And thanks to the crazy amount of hormones and drugs I'm injecting myself with I'm pretty bloody sensitive too... I hate how I feel... The last 4 embryo transfers didn't work... So we're back to egg collection... A horrible process which culminates in a day surgery and hopefully lots of good quality eggs. Actually I'd settle for another egg like Harry please...

He really is a 'Good Egg' in the old sense! Today he had his first fight, he didn't start it... Sone kid wanted his toy... Pushed him around... Glad to say he won!,, but I digress...

I know a ridiculous amount of pregnant people... Up to double digits now... And I am really happy for them... Truly... I'm just tired of it not being me... I hate how I feel... Some people say, text and post the most insensitive things sometimes... But how could they possibly know that? So here's to the new cycle... And not feeling so Meh all the time... I probably shouldn't post this... But I will because I think I need to be able to come back one day And see how things were.

Kitchen Renovation

My Dad is renovating his kitchen so to help him out we thought we'd go through his cupboards and help chuck out any unwanted bits and pieces. What started out as a spring clean ended up becoming a trip down memory lane. We went through the mugs, everyone had their favorites with different memories attached to each one. A mug that was bought on holiday, a cup with a dog that resembles an old dearly departed doggie friend to another that was part of a set that we had in our first home. All important. Do we chuck them out? Then we moved to the cutlery draw. Surely that would be far easier? Not a bit, a few rusty knives went out. That was it. We had knives forks and spoons from different sets, all with memories attached. It made me wonder about normal peoples kitchen drawers. I bet they're neat and ordered without all the strange odd things like a garlic press and an old apple corer that we used every day as children. It was a crazy place to find these memories, but it gave us a good laugh!

Lucky Number Three

On Saturday I'm heading back to the clinic to have my third embryo transferred. This will be a frozen embryo and after two failed attempts I feel a little bit nervous. This emotion is mixed in with excitement. I feel like I'm holding my breath. I really want this transfer to work. So fingers and toes are crossed. Come on little Embie!

IVF Countdown

Good news today... I'm having my next embryo transfer on Saturday morning. This is my lucky number 3. I really hope this embryo decides to stick around. Next Saturday I'll be 4 weeks pregnant. But I won't find out for another 2 weeks. This Is the longest wait. During this time I predict that I will over analyse every single change in my body. From sore breasts to going to the toilet more often. I won't drink any coffee or alcohol and I'll watch what I eat very carefully. This is my IVF countdown. And if at the end of this wait I find out I'm not pregnant. I get to do it all again.

Dilemma at the Zoo

I have a quick query. More of a 'What would you do?' My dilemma started while I was coming down an escalator at Taronga Zoo. The man in front of me smelt really good. Whatever aftershave he was wearing it was incredible. Now, what would you do? Would you stop a strange man and tell him he smelled really good and ask what aftershave he was wearing? Or Would you conduct a thorough search through every perfume shop until you found it so you could give it to your husband? Is that normal?

IVF Guilt

During the week I had to go into the IVF clinic for a blood test. My husband was away so I had to take Harrison in with me. Sitting in the waiting room surrounded by lots of hopeful couples brought back my IVF guilt. It's a strange phenomenon and sometimes more than others I feel it acutely and this was one of those times. I'll explain, I fell pregnant with Harrison on my first go at IVF, which is fantastic. I have two friends who had been going to IVF longer than me and neither of them had fallen pregnant yet. Telling them the good news was very hard. They didn't make me feel bad or say anything other than how happy they were for me. I felt guilty that IVF had worked quickly for me. I was overjoyed and extremely happy but guilty.
Sitting in the waiting room this week those feelings came flooding back. I was sitting near a lovely couple who watched Harrison play and colour in. I noticed the husband grab his wife's hand and give it a little squeeze and I remembered being that couple. I remembered how it felt not knowing if I was pregnant or if IVF would even work for me. I wanted to say something to this couple and wish them good luck but I was whisked away by one of the nurses before I could. I've been thinking about them a lot. Many words can be conveyed in a hand squeeze. It's a wordless form of love and support. Sometimes we don't need words, just a little hand squeeze.

Carrie Fisher ~ Queen of the Un-Normal

I've just finished watching Carrie Fisher in her award winning stage show 'Wishful Drinking'. She is probably the Queen of the Un-Normal. How many of us have Elizabeth Taylor for a step-mother? She made me laugh, but she also made me think. This is a lady who has been through a lot and her greatest message to us all is to stop and have a laugh. She does mention that this takes time, a lot of time. Hindsight is 20/20.

I'm a Star Wars nerd and proud of it. My son is called Harrison. (My husband wasn't keen on Chewbacca or Darth!!) I often watch Carrie in those movies in awe. Mainly because she wasn't allowed to wear a bra in A New Hope.... but also because she was so young to be thrown into the limelight (and she gets to kiss Harrison Ford). She has certainly been through the wringer and makes me appreciate my crazy moments! It's certainly worth watching, even if you only watch the bit where she explains 'Celebrity Inbreeding' in Hollywood... Very Clever!