IVF Guilt

During the week I had to go into the IVF clinic for a blood test. My husband was away so I had to take Harrison in with me. Sitting in the waiting room surrounded by lots of hopeful couples brought back my IVF guilt. It's a strange phenomenon and sometimes more than others I feel it acutely and this was one of those times. I'll explain, I fell pregnant with Harrison on my first go at IVF, which is fantastic. I have two friends who had been going to IVF longer than me and neither of them had fallen pregnant yet. Telling them the good news was very hard. They didn't make me feel bad or say anything other than how happy they were for me. I felt guilty that IVF had worked quickly for me. I was overjoyed and extremely happy but guilty.
Sitting in the waiting room this week those feelings came flooding back. I was sitting near a lovely couple who watched Harrison play and colour in. I noticed the husband grab his wife's hand and give it a little squeeze and I remembered being that couple. I remembered how it felt not knowing if I was pregnant or if IVF would even work for me. I wanted to say something to this couple and wish them good luck but I was whisked away by one of the nurses before I could. I've been thinking about them a lot. Many words can be conveyed in a hand squeeze. It's a wordless form of love and support. Sometimes we don't need words, just a little hand squeeze.

Carrie Fisher ~ Queen of the Un-Normal

I've just finished watching Carrie Fisher in her award winning stage show 'Wishful Drinking'. She is probably the Queen of the Un-Normal. How many of us have Elizabeth Taylor for a step-mother? She made me laugh, but she also made me think. This is a lady who has been through a lot and her greatest message to us all is to stop and have a laugh. She does mention that this takes time, a lot of time. Hindsight is 20/20.

I'm a Star Wars nerd and proud of it. My son is called Harrison. (My husband wasn't keen on Chewbacca or Darth!!) I often watch Carrie in those movies in awe. Mainly because she wasn't allowed to wear a bra in A New Hope.... but also because she was so young to be thrown into the limelight (and she gets to kiss Harrison Ford). She has certainly been through the wringer and makes me appreciate my crazy moments! It's certainly worth watching, even if you only watch the bit where she explains 'Celebrity Inbreeding' in Hollywood... Very Clever!